Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i came on her dog
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
