I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
