he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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