i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
