I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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