you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize