How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The best revenge is premature balding
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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