No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
