i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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