we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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