Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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