fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
