My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
