I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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