You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
