I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You ruined the universe
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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