Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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