I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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