So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
