I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
