Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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