The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
