My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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