remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
