It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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