oh god the rape fog is back!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
As shirtless as possible
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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