you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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