Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
