I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
