please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
