there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
