i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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