so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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