After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
