i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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