3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
