Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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