Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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