i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
