my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize