dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
