Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
