Is it normal to miss your booty call?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
