My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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