she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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