Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
