oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
