ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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