I think my fart just growled at me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
