Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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