I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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