That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
