I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
