I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
