Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
