If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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