Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
