I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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