and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
