Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
