update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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