drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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